This is a great question. And unfortunately there is not a right answer.
But, let’s just go with this for a moment and see what we can come up with.
Contrary to what I want to believe, Anger is one of the most important emotions that we have as humans.
It’s one of the emotions that allows us to survive because it is the driving force that allows us to find strength to continue on and pushes us to find new ways to protect ourselves.
Think about it, if a baby is being attack by an adult (or even handled improperly….remember Michael Jackson) Anger rears it’s angry head and then LOOK OUT. People take action.
Everyone gets angry. EVERYONE.
In our society we are actually trained, in a sense, that anger is bad. Just like we are trained that crying is generally not ok unless someone dies or your really hurt yourself (God forbid you are just sad).
We learn to not like anger rather than accept and embrace it’s usefulness in our lives.
Anger generally is directed at another person or thing and our society has taught us that we should think about how we would make others feel if we show our anger.
We are taught to hide our anger or to hold it in so we are not seen as bad or out of control people.
If we are told to hold in an emotion and we do not listen to society, then we let another emotion called GUILT enter our lives.
By the time we are really into developing our individual personalities, we have learned to keep anger in and that it is bad if we show it.
So..if anger is natural and necessary, what happens if we repress it?
We learn to not trust ourselves.
We learn that our emotions can not be right. (How sad)
WE must teach ourselves and other to get out of this mindset.
Anger, within reason (see that restraint?) should be allowed to be expressed.
It’s ok to be angry for a known or unknown reason.
Anger is a feeling that is equally as important as LOVE, KINDNESS, SADNESS..etc.
You are allowed to FEEL ANGER and the restraint should come in the ways in which you choose to EXPRESS ANGER.
Expressing your anger allows you to acknowledge your feeling of Anger and gives you control over how you choose to express the emotion.
Some people express sadness in their room crying, while others express it in writing or drawing.
Anger can be dealt with the same way.
The key is to allow our anger to exists as often as it is needed and to find healthy ways to express NOT to REPRESS it.
You hold the key to your emotion….meaning you get to choose how to handle the emotion.
Do you want to yell? Write a bunch of swear words on a piece of paper? Rip paper? Talk to your anger in a calm way?
There is no right way to deal with the expression of anger as you need to find the key that works for you.
IN doing so, you allow anger to do it’s job, show up. You are allowed to own it and take care of it (like a crying baby) and it will console itself. Then…anger can be let go.
Just recognizing and identifying your anger is a great step in allowing it to resolve.
Anger must be felt without shame or guilt.
There was one time I was working for a roofing company and this woman, whose house we were working on, came out and swore at me for being too loud.
Honestly? I’m working on a freakin’ roof in Dallas Heat…and you’re going to complain about a nail gun? I was pissed.
Rather than yell at the lady….I pound my nails as I was suppose to and pretended it was her head.
My friends (on the roof with me) laughed and later we all had a good chuckle at my productive (because I was building a roof) way of letting my anger go.
There is always a way to deal with anger and with angry people.
If you are being bullied and you need some support, contact me, and I’ll see what I can do to help you find someone in your area to help you. No one should be subject to the negative forces in the world but alas,they are necessary to make us aware of the good. For the good would not be such without the negative to counterbalance (ying and yang).
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